The Pains of Love
by Obi the Kid
Summary: Pre-TPM. (Obi-Wan is 19) Non-slash. Obi-Wan POV. When Qui-Gon's


TITLE: The Pains of Love  
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)  
SUMMARY: Pre-TPM. (Obi-Wan is 19) Non-slash. Obi-Wan POV. When Qui-Gon's   
close friend is critically ill, how will it affect both he and his apprentice.  
FEEDBACK: Yes, please.  
ARCHIVE: Ask me first.  
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/  
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas   
Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are   
copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of   
Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the   
writing or distribution of this story.  
  
=================  
The Pains of Love  
=================  
  
I entered the common area quietly, not wanting to disturb the aura of calm   
that filled the apartment. Master Qui-Gon sat in silence, staring through   
the window into the multi-colored sky beyond. His eyes wandering, not   
focusing on any one object. Ever since his closest friend, Master Bren   
Anders had become ill, he'd spent several hours each evening doing just what   
he did now. Emotionally, this last month has completely worn him down.   
Shadows under his eyes and slumped shoulders tell me that he is not handling   
this well. I know how much he cares for Master Bren, she and I are the most   
important people in his life. He would do anything for her, as would I.   
Since the age of thirteen, she has been there for me. I am now almost twenty   
years old, and she has become an integral part of life as I know it. I don't   
know what I would do without her. Master Qui-Gon feels the same, but feels   
it at a much more emotional level than I do. This is someone he has known   
since he was a young apprentice. It's a deep and supportive friendship and   
relationship. To see him like this pains me greatly.  
  
The healers are unable to determine why she is so sick and over the last   
week, things have taken a turn for the worse. Earlier today, Master Bren   
slipped into a coma. I remember an hour after Healer Terran told me of this   
news, I found Master Qui-Gon in the medical ward room, clutching her hand,   
wishing her to wake up. It's not often I see my master cry, but he did then.   
As he willed her to fight, I could see him losing that tight control that   
he's always managed to maintain. Control over his emotions. Terran gently   
touched my arm and motioned for me to see to Qui-Gon.  
  
Placing a soft hand on my teacher's shoulder, "Master?" I said. To which   
there was no reply. He just continued to stare at the still form that lay on   
the bed before him. "Master, come with me. You need to rest." Stray tears   
that he could not hold back slid down his face as he kept his attention   
focused on his friend. I looked to Terran for help. The healer moved around   
to Qui-Gon's other side, and put his hand under his arm. Together we pulled   
Qui-Gon into a standing position. I grabbed his hand and forced him to let   
go of Master Bren's. In turn, he squeezed my hand tightly, almost   
desperately. I wasn't sure what to say, so I tried to be as supportive as I   
could. "It's all right, Master. We'll help you."   
  
With Terran on one side and myself on the other, we assisted Qui-Gon home.   
That is where he sits now, by the window, peering out into space. Each night   
he sits here in what appears to be some type of vigil. Only this night is   
different. With his best friend now in a coma, whatever hope Qui-Gon had   
seems to have vanished. As his apprentice, it's my job to look out for him.   
And I have done so from a distance for the most part. These past weeks he's   
seemed to need time alone, only seeking me out when he had the desire for   
company. Now, he's shut me out almost completely. His shields are closed   
tightly, and he has not acknowledged me since we got home from the medical   
ward. As much as I want to help him, if he wont let me in, I don't know what   
I can do. I wonder if he realizes that this hurts me as well. He's not   
alone in his pain. I should deal with the pain that I feel. But that will   
come later., For now I have to push that aside and concentrate on Qui-Gon.   
Strong. I have to be strong for him.  
  
As the hours roll on, I watch as the fatigue begins tearing down his   
remaining strength.   
  
I responded to the sound of the door chime, One of my master's closest   
friends, Master Jerra Derson, stood before me. He offered his console and   
his support. I asked him to stay, more for my own comfort than for   
Qui-Gon's.   
  
"I need to get him away from the window and into bed. Can you help me Master   
Jerra?"  
  
"I'm sure he won't want us to interfere with his vigil, but he does need   
rest. Let's see what we can do."  
  
We moved forward. "Master, you should lie down for a bit. Close your eyes."  
  
"I'll be okay. Just leave me to myself."  
  
Master Jerra and I exchanged glances. "Qui-Gon, your apprentice is right.   
You do need to rest. Come on now."  
  
To be honest, I was expecting more of a fight, and was shocked when Qui-Gon   
got up from the chair and began wandering toward his bedroom. I was quickly   
at his side and was again surprised when he took my hand. "Are you all right   
Obi-Wan?"  
  
"Yes, Master," I lied as I looked into his exhausted eyes. "I'm okay." The   
last thing I wanted to do was add to his worries.  
  
"Good. You get some sleep now."  
  
"Yes, Master. I will. I'll help you get settled first." What I wanted to   
do was get him into his bed and then utilize the Force to put him into a deep   
sleep. He sat on the edge of the bed, pulled his boots off and then   
collapsed into the soft blankets. He didn't protest when I tucked the larger   
blanket around his shoulders and began sending a sleep suggestion into his   
mind. Master Jerra assisted me to be sure that Qui-Gon's sleep would be as   
restful as possible.  
  
When we were sure that Qui-Gon would sleep soundly, we left him alone.   
Master Jerra directed me to the couch.  
  
"Obi-Wan, why did you lie to him? You are certainly not okay. Not in the   
least."  
  
"I know, I just didn't want to add to what he's already going through. I   
need to be supportive, not a further burden."  
  
"I see. It is good of you to think of him, but you're in pain as well. If   
you'd like to talk, I am a good listener."  
  
I knew what Master Jerra was doing, and I did want to talk, but I wasn't sure   
how to begin or what to say. So, I just shrugged.  
  
"You've been put in a difficult position. You are close with Bren and it   
hurts you to see her like this. But you are also doing everything you can to   
look after Qui-Gon, while watching him suffer emotionally. You have no one   
to turn to for comfort. You know you can always come to me, Obi-Wan. It's   
alright to do so. Your master and I have been friends for a long time, I am   
always available if needed."  
  
I nodded. Grateful to Jerra for offering comfort, but still torn as to what   
to say...how to begin. I forced myself to talk, and once I did, the words   
seemed to flow easily. It felt good to release.   
  
"I...I...do hurt. The two people I love more than anything are in such pain.   
I need to be as positive as I can for Master Qui-Gon. He needs me. But I   
suppose I need someone as well. What if Master Bren dies? What will happen   
then? To Qui-Gon? To me? I don't want to lose her, but I don't know what   
else I can do to help. And...it hurts."  
  
I continued talking. Master Jerra listened to everything. He let me go on   
as long as I needed. Eventually, I talked myself out. Feeling myself   
fallng, I looked to see Master Jerra had put an arm around my shoulders and   
was pulling me to lean against him. He held the half hug for a few minutes.   
"You're holding up well, Obi-Wan. Better than most in these same   
circumstances. Qui-Gon will be proud. Just keeping being there for him   
until Bren gets better. Call me whenever you need to. Okay?"  
  
Sleepily, I nodded again and thanked him for his friendship. With a final   
squeeze of my shoulder, he released me and got up from the couch. We said   
good night, and he took his leave.   
  
Qui-Gon was resting comfortably when I checked on him one last time before   
turning in for the night. It felt so good to be surrounded by warm blankets,   
I curled my tired body into them, and it wasn't long before I to was sleeping   
as soundly as my master in the next room.   
  
*****  
  
When I awoke the next morning, Qui-Gon was gone. I figured as much. At   
least I was able to allow him a few hours of solid rest. I got myself   
cleaned up, shoved a little breakfast down and headed for the medical ward.  
  
As expected, Qui-Gon was there, sitting at Master Bren's side, holding her   
hand and talking to her. There was no change in her condition. Healer   
Terran caught me up to date with what was going on.   
  
"No change, but all her vitals are stable, so I count that as a good sign.   
He got here about thirty minutes ago," Terran said in a hushed voice. "He   
looks rested."  
  
"He is. Master Jerra and I made sure he actually slept last night." My tone   
then because more serious. "What are her chances?"  
  
The pause before he answered did not instill me with a good feeling. "I   
honestly don't know, Obi-Wan. Why she's sick, we still haven't discovered.   
Some kind of mystery virus perhaps. But we are working on this non-stop.   
Doing all we can."  
  
I nodded and thanked him before turning my attention to the pair in the   
sterile room before me. "Good morning, Master."  
  
"Padawan. I know what you did last night. Thank you. I did need the rest."  
  
"Master, you can talk to me about what you're feeling," I spurted out, a bit   
quicker than I intended. "We can help each other. It...it hurts when you   
shut me out." His eyes caught mine and he gave a weak smile.   
  
"I know, Obi-Wan. I'm sorry. I am trying to deal with this...but...I...I   
don't know."  
  
The pain in his voice got to me, and I quickly looked away and moved towards   
the window until I could regain my composure.   
  
"Obi-Wan, come over here please." I hesitate before approaching him.   
"Obi-Wan."  
  
He found a second chair, and directed me to sit next to him. Once again he   
took hold of Master Bren's hand and began talking to her in hushed tones that   
only I was able to hear.  
  
"Bren, it's me, Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan is here with me. We need you to wake up.   
Come back to us." Over the next few hours, we sat together at her bedside.   
Each of us took turns holding her hand and talking to her. Healer Terran   
told us that that was the best thing we could do for her. But still there   
was no change in her condition. No sign that she would awaken anytime soon.   
  
******  
  
Another week passed. My master alternated between the medical ward and our   
quarters. At times he would shut me out and lose himself in memories. Other   
times, he would insist that I sit and talk with him. Then there was one   
night after I had spent the day training with Master Jerra and my good   
friend, his padawan, Taj Elim. Qui-Gon had told me he would be home that   
evening. When he didn't show up, I knew just where to track him down. I   
found him next to Master Bren's bed, his head lying next to her shoulder on   
the pillow, his left hand clutching tightly to hers. Not having the heart to   
wake him, I located an extra blanket and draped it over my master's   
shoulders. I left him to his sleep.  
  
******  
  
Today, I finally managed to get Qui-Gon into the sparring gym. We both   
needed to do something to release. While meditation was helping to an   
extent, there was no replacement for physical exercise to get some of the   
frustrations out. He was a bit off the mark with certain moves, but I   
chalked that up to the fact that he was tired. He was focused however, which   
surprised me, and we sparred for two solid hours. It was a good workout.   
Something we both needed.  
  
"Thank you, Obi-Wan. It felt good to spar. I should have done that a couple   
weeks ago."  
  
"It's good for both of us, Master. And still leaves plenty of time to sit   
with Master Bren."  
  
"There's still no change. Terran thinks they might have an idea of what the   
virus is that is causing her sickness. Something called the Malar virus I   
think is what he said. They don't know much about it, but..."  
  
I finished his sentence for him. "It's better than nothing." Smiling   
briefly, I lowered my voice. "Master, what if she doesn't pull through this?   
What do we do then?" It was my turn to seek comfort from my master. I was   
calling our for his support this time.  
  
"We can't think that way, Obi-Wan. We have to be supportive of her."  
  
"Yes, Master, but..." I tilted my head down and stared at the floor. "I   
don't want to lose her. She means a lot to me. I'm scared to lose someone   
who is so close to me, who has been part of my family for so many years."  
  
Qui-Gon put an encouraging arm around me. "I don't want to lose her either,   
Padawan. She means a great deal to me as well. You've been strong since   
this began, you've been a great comfort to me. Now we have to be strong   
together. For Bren. Okay?"  
  
Taking a deep, shaky breath, I gave him a nod. We have to be strong, for our   
friend. She would do the same for us. As hard as this is, we have to fight   
with her to defeat this virus. Qui-Gon gave me a smile and we walked off   
towards the showers to get cleaned up.  
  
*******  
  
Qui-Gon sat with Master Bren in his usual place at her bedside. He'd fallen   
asleep a while ago. Normally I would have headed back to our quarters for   
the remainder of the night, but something...some strange feeling, told me to   
stay put. So I did. And before long, I heard a soft groan. It sounded   
like...like...someone just waking up. I was up and over to the bed quickly,   
not believing what I saw. A huge and uncontrolled smile lit my face. I   
could feel it, and oh did it feel good. Master Bren was awake. Her eyes   
fluttered a few times until she found my unrelenting gaze. Leaning down, I   
took her other hand and spoke softly.   
  
"Hi Master Bren. We missed you. Try to stay awake, I need to find Terran."   
It looked like she nodded once before her eyes closed again. A sudden   
feeling of joy came over me as I rushed from the room to find the healer. I   
should have woken Qui-Gon, but I was to excited to think straight. Then I   
found myself yelling through the otherwise quiet halls of the medical ward.  
  
"MASTER TERRAN? TERRAN? WHERE ARE YOU?"  
  
The dark-haired man came hurrying out of one of the other patient's rooms.   
"Obi-Wan, shhhh. What is wrong? I have patients trying to sleep."  
  
My face flushed briefly with embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean   
to...oh, Master Bren is awake. Come quick. She just woke up." We ran to   
her room and there she was again, eyes open. This time it was she holding   
Qui-Gon's hand. "See? She's awake. This is great. Master! Master Qui-Gon   
wake up! Master!"  
  
I shook Qui-Gon until he lifted his head. As he did, his eyes fell across   
the features of his best friend. "Bren," he whispered to her. "You're   
awake." He took his hand and carefully caressed her face. She smiled   
slightly before drifting into a peaceful sleep. Qui-Gon looked at the   
healer. "Terran?"  
  
"It's okay, Qui-Gon. She's just exhausted. Let me run some tests and see   
what we have here. This is a wonderful thing to see. A very positive step."  
  
I had to drag my master out of the room so that Healer Terran and his   
assistant could run their exams. We waited in the hall, just outside the   
door.  
  
"Did she say anything, Obi-Wan?"  
  
"No, Master. She was only awake for a short time. She had managed to grab   
hold of your hand though. I think she's going to be okay. The Force told me   
not to leave her room tonight. This is why. I have a very good feeling   
about this." My excitement was growing. "She should stay with us until she   
recovers."  
  
"Easy, Padawan. I'm sure Terran will keep her here for a while, but I would   
be glad to have her stay with us. Assuming we are not sent off for a   
mission."  
  
The healer came out to meet with us. "All signs are good. We still don't   
know all there is to know about this Malar virus, but its effects seem to be   
lessening. I am very pleased. You can go back in. If she wakes up again,   
offer her a sip or two of water, and just keep supporting her as you have   
been."  
  
*******  
  
Master Bren was awake again. Qui-Gon was talking to her and she would reply   
to questions with short sentences. I stayed back and allowed them time   
without my intrusion. My master needed that. She had first gotten sick   
almost a month and a half ago, and had been in a coma for ten days. It had   
been an exhausting time for all involved. But now our family was just about   
whole again.   
  
I heard a small whisper call my name. Master Bren was staring at me as she   
looked past Qui-Gon's shoulder. "Obi-Wan."  
  
Immediately, I was at her side. "Yes, Master Bren. I'm here." She reached   
a hand up and touched my cheek. It was a loving, almost parental gesture.  
  
"Thank you...for looking after him. Can tell...he's...proud of...you."  
  
I blushed at the affection, but returned her smile. "He's my master, my   
family...as are you. How do you feel?"  
  
"Just...tired. Be okay. Love you," she said as her dark hazel eyes began to   
weigh heavily.  
  
Losing myself in those words, several tears escaped my own tired eyes. I   
held her hand tightly. "I love you too." And there the three of us stayed,   
in the company of the other, until Master Bren fell victim to sleep once   
again.  
  
I had fallen into a daze until I felt a slight touch on my shoulder. It was   
Qui-Gon. "Padawan, let's return to our quarters and get some rest."  
  
"Yes, Master. She'll be okay now."  
  
"She will. And Terran says she'll be released soon. Then I can take my   
family home."  
  
******  
  
Not long thereafter, three days actually, our friend was allowed to go home.   
She'd shown remarkable improvement since waking from the coma several days   
ago, and it was mostly a case of her fighting extreme fatigue now. Qui-Gon   
and I helped her into a hover chair and I led the way back to our apartment.  
  
"Where are we going?" Her voice was quiet and tired.  
  
"Obi-Wan and I would like you to stay with us until you are stronger. And I   
don't want to hear any argument. You can have Obi-Wan's room. He has gladly   
agreed to take the couch."  
  
I couldn't argue with that, as I usually fall asleep there anyway. "And I   
promise to clean my room before you get settled. It's something of a   
disaster in there." Looking down at her, I smiled. I was overjoyed to see   
her return my gesture with a warm smile of her own.  
  
*******  
  
Late that evening, after Master Bren was settled and asleep, I once again   
found Qui-Gon sitting at the window. I approached him quietly.  
  
"Master, I was going to turn in for the night, unless you need something more   
of me?"  
  
His dark eyes turned into mine. "No, Padawan. Sleep well."  
  
I was somewhat concerned by his solemn mood. "Is everything okay, Master?"  
  
"Everything will be okay, Obi-Wan. Bren is improving with each day. I am   
just...reflecting I suppose. I guess the 'what if's' are floating around in   
my mind."  
  
"You should keep your concentration on the here and now, where it belongs,   
Master." I grinned as I attempted to lighten the mood. Thankfully, Qui-Gon   
accepted my comment with a small laugh.   
  
"That I should, Obi-Wan."  
  
"If you need anything..." I offered carefully.  
  
"Thank you, Padawan." He had reached up briefly and tugged at my braid.   
I've noticed over the years, he tends to do that when he wants to tell me   
he's proud of me. It's his way of showing affection without using words.  
  
"Good night, Master. Restful sleep to you."  
  
"You as well, Obi-Wan. Good night."  
  
I curled myself into the soft cushions of the couch. Pulling the blanket   
over my shoulders, I shivered slightly as a brief chill ran through me. Not   
to long after, I was sound asleep.  
  
********  
  
Feeling a familiar presence close by, I awoke in the middle of the night. I   
opened my eyes, and allowed them to adjust to the darkness. Qui-Gon was   
there, draping a second blanket around me. "Master?"  
  
"It's all right, Obi-Wan, go back to sleep. You we're cold. I was up to   
check on Bren, and saw you shivering a bit."  
  
"Oh. Thank you." But something wasn't right, and I called him on it.   
"Master, what's wrong?"  
  
He knew I had caught him, and that I would not drop this until he talked to   
me. I sat up, as he brought his large frame down onto the couch. "I can't   
really explain it Obi-Wan. I just don't want to be alone right now. I have   
no idea why, or where this came from, but I don't want to bother Bren with   
this. She needs her rest. If you don't mind, Padawan, keeping me company   
for a while."  
  
I had not known until now, just how much this close call with Master Bren had   
truly affected Qui-Gon. It had gotten into his soul and hurt him deeply.   
And even with a full recovery expected, the scars to the heart would not heal   
as easily.   
  
"How about we see if there are any good holo's on right now and maybe we can   
talk.. We haven't sat and watched a holo together in a few years. I miss   
doing those simple things. I miss...talking with you Master. Just the two   
of us, talking. Like we used to do before life became to hectic."  
  
"I do as well my, Padawan."  
  
So we spent the next few hours sitting side by side on the couch. With the   
holo playing in the background, my master and I talked...and talked...and   
talked. I don't think we left a subject untouched. He even told me things   
about Xanatos. And Qui-Gon never speaks to me of his former, dark-side,   
apprentice. It's not that he doesn't trust me, but it's something that he's   
tried to leave behind, and talking about it only brings more pain. But he   
spoke of Xanatos, and Master Bren, and about lost friends and such. It made   
me feel good that he was comfortable enough with our friendship to speak so   
frankly about such emotional memories.   
  
He knew I was faltering. My eyes finally got heavy and he had to nudge me to   
keep me in the conversation. Eventually I gave out all together and fell   
towards him, my head resting on his shoulder. I remember mumbling a few   
words, something to the effect of 'good night.' A gentle arm went around my   
shoulders, a comforting blanket over my chest. The soft words of 'thank you,   
Padawan' were whispered to me, and that's the last thing I remember.  
  
*******  
  
Morning dawned, and I awoke to find Qui-Gon sitting in his favorite chair   
next to the couch, writing in his journal. "Good morning, Master." I said   
in my groggy, sleep-coated voice.  
  
"Good morning, Padawan." My master looked refreshed. I think being able to   
talk to someone last night helped that a great deal.  
  
"How is Master Bren?"  
  
"She's well. Tired, but doing okay. I was going to cook this morning and   
serve her breakfast in bed."  
  
I know of and have been a victim of Qui-Gon's culinary abilities in the past.   
And in all honestly, they lack that key ingredient that makes a meal   
worthwhile. Taste. I took the opportunity to break in and offer my   
services. "Master, allow me to make breakfast for you both."  
  
"I do believe you are trying to avoid my cooking. But I can accept that.   
I'll let you do all the work. I'll see to Bren. The kitchen is yours."  
  
That was close. My master is many things, but a good cook is not one of   
them. I guarantee we all live through the morning meal if I prepare it.  
  
******  
  
That evening, the three of us sat on our balcony to watch the sunset. It's   
always an incredible spectacle to behold. Nothing is more peaceful than   
watching the sun fall behind the horizon.   
  
Things were improving with each passing hour, and I had no doubt that within   
a week, our lives would be just about normal again.   
  
If this episode in our lives taught us nothing else, it taught us to be   
thankful for those people that we have in our lives who love us for who we   
are. Those who are our friends and family.   
  
I have a sneaky suspicion that this family is going to get along just fine,   
so long as we have each other to lean on and to love...and we keep Qui-Gon   
out of the kitchen.  
  
END 


End file.
